Everyone wants to be certain about things happening in his or her
life, about decisions he or she makes. The feeling is always great when
you find out that you made decisions that can affect your life
positively. But be careful, the desire to be right can constitute a huge
obstacle to growth and it can also affect relationships very
negatively.
You can be happy when your choices turn out to be the best, but thinking that your way can always be the best is one of the erroneous beliefs that can lead to your downfall. It is easy to think that everything that is in agreement with what one desires is right. The person who sets himself up for failure thinks: "It is right because I think so." People who can't stand to be criticized, people who feel threatened when their views and way of thinking is questioned by others easily substitute replace being right with being happy. What happens is that they live their day to day life trying to convince others that what they are doing is right, which is not fun at all.
This thinking pattern is one that you'll find with people who easily get angry, frustrated, and in constant conflict with others. When you insist on getting things your own way, you can be sure that others will start distancing themselves from you. People with this kind of thinking pattern have their expectations, which are usually high, from others. They think in terms of "must" or "should". They think that others should act in the way they expect them to act. Self righteousness can be one of the worst forms of defenses that anyone can put up. In extreme cases, this kind of thinking pattern can distort the reality. Someone who wants to be right will create fantasies to uphold and justify one's sense of self-righteousness. People who want to be right at all cost will hardly look at reality in the face because the reality will destroy their pseudo self-worth and sense of well-being.
The more the desire to be right takes control of your life, the more you become disconnected from the reality and from others. Although this tendency to defend one's sense of being right is human, it can also result from past experiences that must have exposed one's vulnerability. You have been hurt before and as a result, you have developed a form of defense mechanism to protect yourself. This thinking pattern can be the only way for some people to mask a deep-rooted fear of failure. You find it so hard to accept failure that you start defending every one of your actions. You want others to see it your way, and you feel threatened when they don't. When you hear any new idea that can challenge or threaten your beliefs, you immediately put walls. This thinking pattern makes you become someone who whines upon the smallest remark, because you want to appear before others as tough, logical, and highly rational. You want to win the approval of everyone. If you feel this way sometimes, then it's time you stop and put your beliefs to the test, else you'll be setting yourself up against failure.
Most people learned this thinking pattern early in life, at a time when they were vulnerable and those around them were angry or highly abusive. Those who have been often bullied in their childhood can grow up with a strong sense of emotional pain. They can be physically strong, but they can’t afford to betray emotional weakness. As a child, the lesson one learns from bullies or mean parents could be that being assertive of one’s point of view can always bring about what one wants. The child rationalizes that power tripping on others is rewarding, especially when he or she learns it from an adult. When his or her feelings are threatened, he or she will resort to using defenses and proclaiming his or her righteousness. That is how the child can grow up with the habit of using this thinking pattern to mask his or her insecurities, inner fears of failure, and vulnerability.
Being right has a great price. People who develop this thinking pattern suffer a lot. Deep inside, there is turmoil, but outside, they try to maintain a tough image of themselves. They hardly stay in relationships. They are afraid to deeply connect with others because this will compromise their sense of righteousness. When in relationships, they’re always insistent on their point of view, seeking approval, and wanting things their own way at the expense of others. They become rigid and can’t dare to venture outside their comfort zone. “No! thanks. I am okay!” But in reality, they aren’t okay. They’ll stick to their point of view even when it is wrong and will do everything to prove that they are right.
If you have this thinking pattern, then what happens is that you’ll take little risks. Taking any risk can expose your vulnerability. In fact, what you are protecting is not what you really want, but the walls you have built around your sense of weakness. You’ll not want to accept help from others when you badly need it because it will mean giving others the sense of “rightness” you want to communicate. But it there is more to it than that. You need to look at people who make the same mistakes over and over and who justify it on others. Such a person who choose the same types of people for relationships, and when those relationships can’t work out they would say, “All men are unfaithful,” or “All women are whores.” The problem isn’t with the people they work with, not their partners. Not at all! The problem is with their way of thinking, for if they are open enough, they’ll realize their mistake and understand that they need to change strategy and choose different types of partners. This is true in personal relationships as well as businesses. If you can’t afford to accept being wrong, then you can never honestly live up to your dreams. You can improve on what is absolute right. You can only grow and advance in life by realizing imperfections in your way of thinking, of being with yourself, and of connecting with others. In fact, you begin to grow the moment you start accepting that you are weak and vulnerable.
You can be happy when your choices turn out to be the best, but thinking that your way can always be the best is one of the erroneous beliefs that can lead to your downfall. It is easy to think that everything that is in agreement with what one desires is right. The person who sets himself up for failure thinks: "It is right because I think so." People who can't stand to be criticized, people who feel threatened when their views and way of thinking is questioned by others easily substitute replace being right with being happy. What happens is that they live their day to day life trying to convince others that what they are doing is right, which is not fun at all.
This thinking pattern is one that you'll find with people who easily get angry, frustrated, and in constant conflict with others. When you insist on getting things your own way, you can be sure that others will start distancing themselves from you. People with this kind of thinking pattern have their expectations, which are usually high, from others. They think in terms of "must" or "should". They think that others should act in the way they expect them to act. Self righteousness can be one of the worst forms of defenses that anyone can put up. In extreme cases, this kind of thinking pattern can distort the reality. Someone who wants to be right will create fantasies to uphold and justify one's sense of self-righteousness. People who want to be right at all cost will hardly look at reality in the face because the reality will destroy their pseudo self-worth and sense of well-being.
The more the desire to be right takes control of your life, the more you become disconnected from the reality and from others. Although this tendency to defend one's sense of being right is human, it can also result from past experiences that must have exposed one's vulnerability. You have been hurt before and as a result, you have developed a form of defense mechanism to protect yourself. This thinking pattern can be the only way for some people to mask a deep-rooted fear of failure. You find it so hard to accept failure that you start defending every one of your actions. You want others to see it your way, and you feel threatened when they don't. When you hear any new idea that can challenge or threaten your beliefs, you immediately put walls. This thinking pattern makes you become someone who whines upon the smallest remark, because you want to appear before others as tough, logical, and highly rational. You want to win the approval of everyone. If you feel this way sometimes, then it's time you stop and put your beliefs to the test, else you'll be setting yourself up against failure.
Most people learned this thinking pattern early in life, at a time when they were vulnerable and those around them were angry or highly abusive. Those who have been often bullied in their childhood can grow up with a strong sense of emotional pain. They can be physically strong, but they can’t afford to betray emotional weakness. As a child, the lesson one learns from bullies or mean parents could be that being assertive of one’s point of view can always bring about what one wants. The child rationalizes that power tripping on others is rewarding, especially when he or she learns it from an adult. When his or her feelings are threatened, he or she will resort to using defenses and proclaiming his or her righteousness. That is how the child can grow up with the habit of using this thinking pattern to mask his or her insecurities, inner fears of failure, and vulnerability.
Being right has a great price. People who develop this thinking pattern suffer a lot. Deep inside, there is turmoil, but outside, they try to maintain a tough image of themselves. They hardly stay in relationships. They are afraid to deeply connect with others because this will compromise their sense of righteousness. When in relationships, they’re always insistent on their point of view, seeking approval, and wanting things their own way at the expense of others. They become rigid and can’t dare to venture outside their comfort zone. “No! thanks. I am okay!” But in reality, they aren’t okay. They’ll stick to their point of view even when it is wrong and will do everything to prove that they are right.
If you have this thinking pattern, then what happens is that you’ll take little risks. Taking any risk can expose your vulnerability. In fact, what you are protecting is not what you really want, but the walls you have built around your sense of weakness. You’ll not want to accept help from others when you badly need it because it will mean giving others the sense of “rightness” you want to communicate. But it there is more to it than that. You need to look at people who make the same mistakes over and over and who justify it on others. Such a person who choose the same types of people for relationships, and when those relationships can’t work out they would say, “All men are unfaithful,” or “All women are whores.” The problem isn’t with the people they work with, not their partners. Not at all! The problem is with their way of thinking, for if they are open enough, they’ll realize their mistake and understand that they need to change strategy and choose different types of partners. This is true in personal relationships as well as businesses. If you can’t afford to accept being wrong, then you can never honestly live up to your dreams. You can improve on what is absolute right. You can only grow and advance in life by realizing imperfections in your way of thinking, of being with yourself, and of connecting with others. In fact, you begin to grow the moment you start accepting that you are weak and vulnerable.
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